


Sentiments (Don't waste it)

by CarnivorousUsagi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Budding Coffee Dad Sakura Sojiro, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Might be OOC, Self-Indulgent, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, Unreliable Narrator, because Akechi, because of Akechi mostly, cause he isn't quite there yet in this fic, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25887814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarnivorousUsagi/pseuds/CarnivorousUsagi
Summary: Finding himself alive somehow, in a time that by all rights should have already passed, is just another one of those moments that life would throw him into an unwelcome loop. A normal occurrence. Even a part of him—the one that lived in a fake reality where he’s only alive because Akira wants him to be— can’t help but be surprised still. That Akira (because who else would want him alive than that stupidly sentimental fool?) would bend the world for him.Because who else would cause this other than Golden Boy himself? As much as he loathes to admit it.Or;Akechi might not like the fact that dear Golden Boy Akira Kurusu might have caused his time travel, but Goro learns to accept at the end.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 1
Kudos: 76





	Sentiments (Don't waste it)

**Author's Note:**

> This might turn out to be a bit ooc but I have a lot feelings because of this ship okay.
> 
> Let my self-indulgent self be ;o;

Akechi isn’t disoriented. Really, _he isn’t._

Finding himself alive somehow, in a time that by all rights should have already passed, is just another one of those moments that life would throw him into an unwelcome loop. A normal occurrence. Even a part of him—the one that lived in a fake reality where he’s only alive because _Akira wants him to be—_ can’t help but be surprised still. That Akira (because who else would want him alive than that stupidly sentimental fool?) would bend the world for _him._

Because who else would cause this other than Golden Boy himself? As much as he loathes to admit it.

(The instance in the fake reality doesn’t count. _Really, it doesn’t._

**_It doesn’t_** )

And so Akechi decided not to go to that little café in a little corner of Yongen-Jaya. Not now anyway, even if his feet want to just walk there and just breathe.

(Akira probably isn’t even there seeing as he’s a year too early for that.)

* * *

He still found himself sitting at the barstool in Le Blanc.

It was a long day after doing errands for Shido (and if he’s acting differently than he was before, Shido simply looked at him with a curious raise of his brow) and he found his feet taking him at the café’s doors. It was too late to back down seeing as he was already there. The coffee is also tempting, it wouldn’t harm anyone to get a cup of it even if _he_ isn’t the one to make it for him.

It’s…nice.

_He’s_ absence aside, the café is just like its always been. The painting of Sayuri missing at the café’s warm and homely walls is quite jarring but bearable. The same mundane static of the television running in the background. The same homely tones and the earthly furniture. The same gruff tones of Sojiro as he grumbles, trying to solve the crossword puzzle in the newspaper.

Someone’s absence from behind the counter is still too loud to simply ignore, however. The place not feeling as warm as he remembered it to be. All because dear Golden Boy isn’t around to fill the gaping human-sized hole in Le Blanc. What did Akechi expect? The world loves _him_.

( _Don’t you?_ His mind pathetically supplied, and he pushes it down viciously because that notion is simply _ridiculous._

_He hates him and his useless sentimentality so what is there to miss?_ )

( ** _What right does he—_** )

* * *

Akechi remembers the last night from that fake reality. He was sitting with _him_ at his side, hands clasped tightly at the table. They were facing each other, and _he_ was smiling a kind of smile that was unlike him. Soft and brittle, accompanied with sad eyes that spoke of thousands of words Akechi does not bother reading. It wouldn’t matter if he did in the end. Not here, and maybe even beyond _here_. It shouldn’t because—

“Akechi,” _he_ said softly like it was precious. Like it was something important when it wasn’t. “Even if just for tonight, can I call you Goro?”

_It isn’t like there’s a time beyond tonight_ , he doesn’t say. Not out loud in front of _his_ disgusting, smiling face at least. It seemed like _he_ heard it anyway.

“Do what you want _Akira_ ,” Akechi said, spitting out the name like ( _he shouldn’t right?_ ) an insult. Staring at a point between his eyes like he never thought of anything at all.

He— _Akira’s_ smile lessened anyway, his eyes dulling for a moment before it shines again in that annoying way it always does. “But I still want to give you a choice.”

Of course, stupid, considerate, _perfect_ _Akira_ would say that. Always knowing what to say like he knows Goro Akechi at all.

( _Does he?_ )

Why he even bothers with a dead man ( _boyboy **boy**_ ) is beyond him.

“And I said do what you want,” Akechi said, a bit softer than he intended. He watches as Akira’s smile widens and the words swimming in his eyes turns louder than they did before. He ignores that still.

However, just for tonight, he’ll be a bit more lenient. He lets Akira reach out his hands to hold his bare ones. Let him squeeze it. Let the moment just sit there at one of the tables at this little homely café. Let some words be left unsaid and the weight of it settle in his shoulders. Let himself think of the promise they made in what felt like a long time ago and _wonder_ even for just a moment.

_Just for tonight._

* * *

Time passes by, and Akechi’s plans with it. Loathe as he may admit it, his previous plan was set to crash and burn to failure. The waiting game is a good path to go, however, he must play it differently than last time. Waiting for Shido’s successful election to move turns out to be a not so wise decision.

Instead, he’s going to destroy him slowly. In a way that brews under the surface until the very moment Shido so much as _think_ that he’s on top. Planting a parasite in his _amazing_ system that takes subtly that he probably won’t notice, and won’t be able to pin it down if he _did_. And Shido won’t have a choice but stare at the parasite at the face as everything he’s been building up for so long crumble, _has always been crumbling_ , right in front of him.

Akechi would be that parasite, and he’ll enjoy _every second of it_. He isn’t the child he was before. Shido gave him the power, _the access to the law system_ , and he’s going to use it to his advantage in a way he didn’t _before_.

(And maybe he won’t think about _him_ as much as before if he focuses on ruining the man that was supposed to be his father this way.

It should, but like an annoying fly, Akira buzzes in his mind anyway.

He should’ve expected this but it frustrates him nonetheless.)

* * *

_Sentiments_ , Akechi thinks as he stares at the Golden Boy standing at the café’s entrance after a year of him impossibly landing in the past. _Why did you have to make me feel useless sentiments_.

He hates how he didn’t think of this as harshly as he should have. How it doesn’t quite match the intensity of the rage he had a year before.

And now he’s here. A criminal record now under his name and a whole journey paved for him as a heroic leader of the Phantom Thieves. Currently, just a high schooler with a gloomy hunch of his shoulders Akechi has never seen in him, and down-casted eyes behind his fake lenses. An image so unlike the one he’d known, had remembered.

_Do you even remember?_ Akechi couldn’t ask, because what if he doesn’t? He spent a year pushing the very image of _him_ at the back of his mind despite it still resurfacing in quiet nights that he didn’t even have the thought of Akira not remembering. That there might be a chance that he didn’t travel back in time like him because _isn’t he the reason why he’s here in the first place? Because he stupidly believed that_ Goro Akechi _deserves a chance?_

Akira’s the reason why he came back from the dead once, so he must have been the reason he came back in time, _right?_

Akira still hasn’t raised his head, much less speak.

“Oh, you’re here,” Sojiro said, no longer occupied by the crossword puzzle at the newspaper. “So you’re the kid huh?”

Akira finally raised his head and looks taken aback once his eyes met Akechi’s own. Akechi felt his heartbeat unbidden in his chest as a familiar light suddenly shone on those dark grey eyes. And he’ll forever deny the stuttered relieved breath he released when Akira opened his mouth with a soft smile, dazzling despite the faint glow of the café’s light.

“ _Goro._ ”

Somehow, the café felt warmer than it ever had compared to the whole year he’s been coming here.

_Sentiments,_ he can’t help but think again as he tries to suppress a familiar feeling trying to rise in his chest like all those years (has it been years?) ago. _Why do you have to make me feel useless sentiments._

* * *

Shido has proven the fact that he’s a complete asshole once again when he chose that very moment to call and do his bloody errand. The way that Akira’s smile dulled as he picks up the phone doesn’t help matters. If anything else, it annoys him even more.

“We have time later,” Akechi can’t help but say, packing his things as he went. His voice polite yet still managing to sound a bit gruff, “So please do stop looking like a kicked puppy.”

“Yeah,” Akira replied, wearing that soft expression again that gets on Akechi’s nerves.

“Until next time for now,” Akechi said before walking out of the door without looking back. He catches Sojiro’s surprised ‘You know each other?’ before the door closed behind him.

And if Akechi walks in lighter feet that night as a text from Akira pops out from his phone, it doesn’t mean anything of significance to be noted.

* * *

“Welcome back,” Akechi hear Akira’s voice echo in the quiet café as soon as he opens the door, pleasantly accompanying the bell’s chyme. Predictable, seeing as it came from _him._

“Akira,” Akechi greeted as soon as he sat down and settled his briefcase beside his feet. Looking at the teen smiling behind the counter, Akechi couldn’t help but raise a brow. “Only a few days and you’re already working behind the counter I see.”

“I charmed my way in,” Akira smugly raised a cup of coffee.

“The kid wanted to brew you some coffee, something about not making you one for a while, so I let him,” Sojiro gruffly interjects, looking far too unamused. “You need more practice if you want me to be impressed with your brew.”

Akechi covers his mouth with his hands to stop an ungraceful snort, Akira pouting in front of him. “He certainly looks charmed,” Akechi can’t help but say.

“Well, at least you are.”

“I am _not_.”

Sojiro looked them with a strange expression on his face. “Huh,” he says to no one in particular. “So that’s how it is then.”

“What?” Akira asked as he turns his attention to Sojiro. His cheeks flaming as soon as he met his guardian’s eyes. His body tensed, and he clutched the coffee in his hands to his chest and away from Akechi’s reaching hands as he does so.

“I’ll leave you kids to it, I have a business to attend to,” Sojiro said with a knowing smirk. “Close up the café once you're done.” With that, Sojiro hangs his apron and walks out the door with his smirk still in place.

“We’re not—!” Akira tried to say but Sojiro is already out of the door, the bell ringing loudly at the silent café as he went. The embarrassing image of Akira Kurusu he left behind managing to make Akechi snort out loud. It was just the two of them in the café anyway.

“You’re not going to get this coffee,” Akira said with a huff as he composes himself. His calm disposition comes back, but after looking deeper a subtle pout is there. Akechi forgot how childish the other boy could be.

“Stop wasting your effort and just give me the coffee Akira,” Goro said with as he raises a brow. “Whatever happened to your shining customer service?”

“Used it on Sojiro so I could be behind this very counter.”

Akechi felt like sighing. Akira being this insufferable means a long night.

He felt the tension in his body ease anyway.

* * *

The cup of coffee found their way to Akechi’s hands in the end. That somehow leads to them settling rather comfortably at the attic, the shop already closed. They were sitting on the bed, and Akechi found his hands clasped together at his lap. Akira simply sits at his right, hands at his side, as he stares at Akechi while subtly leaning forward.

Akechi wouldn’t look into his eyes. His gaze simply between Akira’s brow.

They didn’t say anything for a while, letting the silence say it all. The complicated expression Akira has as he traces Akechi’s face with his eyes like trying to memorize it unless he disappears. The calm in Akechi’s posture, more genuine with the other’s presence as loathe as he might admit it.

The simple act of existing in the same space when they thought they’ll never get the chance to again.

Like anything peaceful in Akechi’s life however, it’s bound to get broken. By his own hands even, like it always has been.

“I’m assuming that you’ve formed your merry band of Phantom thieves already, although Morgana seems to not be present.”

Akira doesn’t say anything for a while like he wasn’t done with observing him. Then, he sighs as his hand absently plays with the fabric of his bedsheets, “Not much of a band of Phantom Thieves yet. And I’m probably going to get Morgana tomorrow.”

“Probably?” Akechi asked with a raised brow.

Akira shrugs, “I don’t remember every single day of my life Goro.”

“I wouldn’t know, after all, what could you _not_ do?”

Akechi almost regrets saying that as Akira’s face twisted. Maybe even more once Akira actually has an answer.

“Saving you,” he said, and his lips twist to bitter lines. He got those eyes again, the one with thousands of words Akechi thinks are best left unsaid. They grew louder anyway, and it made him look away. ( _Coward._ )

“I remember telling you that I don’t want to be saved. Much less by _you,_ ” he spits out much harsher than he expected. He clenched his hands harder.

“Then let me.”

Akira raised a hand to try to touch his arm. Akechi can almost feel it, the comforting touch that would feel revolting. He abruptly stood up to avoid it and sighs as he tries to loosen his body that turned rigid.

“You never know when to let it go, do you.”

Akechi hears more than see Akira standing up as well, the floorboards squeaking under his feet. He doesn’t know if Akira was about to touch him again, but he walks forward to put more distance between them anyway. Akira doesn’t move.

Silence followed. Heavy and deafening as they just stood there.

Akira is the one to break the silence.

“Let me help you Goro,” Akira said, voice low and almost desperate. And Akechi is having none of it.

“What the hell do you think you could do? _Kill?_ ” Akechi said with a scoff. “And last time I check, Phantom Thieves don’t ask for permission. You certainly never did with the palaces before.”

“But they aren’t _you_ ,” Akira said like it made sense when it didn’t.

( _Him treasuring you didn’t too,_ that familiar traitorous part of his mind supplies, and it continues before he can shove it down like he had a hundred times before. _Isn’t it time for you to stop denying his reason as to why?_ )

“That’s fucking—” Akechi stops, his words suddenly caught up in his throat as he finally— _finally_ — looks at Akira.

He’s crying. Big, fat tears falling down reddened cheeks as he just had this _look_ in his eyes, more profound than it ever was before. There’s a thousand words in them—the same ones he never wanted to see— and this time he can’t ignore it. Can’t even look away.

“I don’t want to lose you again Goro,” Akira cries, his voice breaking at the end and something inside Akechi breaking with it. “I just— _can’t_. Not this time at our second chance.”

_Our second chance_. He said it as if Akechi even wished for them to have a second chance. As if _him_ , fucked up Goro Akechi, even so much as _dreamed_ of a second chance. Like the world is even kind enough to ever grant him anything.

(But it would for Akira, wouldn’t it? Because it’s _Akira Kurusu_.)

( ** _Akira deserves this more than him anyway, but why even bother if only to—_** )

Akechi might have stared too long, stayed still and silent for his weakness to be found, because the next thing he knew Akira was hugging him. Tentative, waiting, like asking if Goro _wanted—_

He doesn’t really know why he hugs back, but that was enough for Akira to _cling_. His breathe hitches with every falling tear as he squeezed with all his might yet still managing to not cause too much discomfort. He pleads in Akechi’s ears, soft and wet as he repeats again and again, with reverence, with deep _deep—_

“ _Please Goro_.”

Akechi doesn’t understand, (He does. _He does. **He does**_.) and a part of him doesn’t want to. ( _But they already do. Already there. **He just had to look to see**_ —)

Yet Goro squeezed back ( _Don’t let go because goddammit, **this** is—_) as he softly, softer than he’d ever done—would ever admit— and replies.

“Just this once.”  
  
And that was enough. For now, at that moment where it’s just Goro and Akira, it’s enough.

(Tears fell from Goro’s eyes. Eyes clear as he recalls the thousands of words contained in brilliant silver eyes. The things left unsaid and emotion left unacknowledged until this moment.

There’s no escaping them now, and for once he doesn’t mind.)

_(Me too. Me too. **Me too.**_

****

**_I feel it too._** )

**Author's Note:**

> I probably won't be continuing this because this is my limit before bursting to tears;-;
> 
> And the end might be a mess, but to be fair, I'M a mess as I was writing that.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading guys ( ; v ; )/


End file.
